Yes, it’s finally time. After waaay too long without actually getting off my backside and doing this, it’s time.
This was a really, really underwhelming year. Virtually all of these songs vanished between then and now, and the number one spot was the freaking Macarena.
Drumroll please…actually, best to avoid drumrolls, some of these people would hurt themselves with it.
#5: Oasis, Wonderwall
It’s not badly put together, but the singing is droning, the topic is…hard to make sense of, and what the hell is a “wonderwall” anyway?
#4: Pearl Jam, I Got Id
I really do not have any idea what appeal this song has. I have very little knowledge of Pearl Jam, apart from the obvious Better Man, but if this is the standard they were trying to live up to, I’m not surprised Better Man earned a much higher judgment from history.
#3: Crucial Conflict, Hay
Deeply underwhelming rap song. Next.
#2: Maxi Priest ft Shaggy, That Girl
“TH’ GIRL HUZZ GOT TH’ TOTCH!” How did Shaggy manage such a long career despite sounding like a frog being strangled?
Also, while this isn’t quite Blurred Lines, the lyrics are still extremely sleazy, and the video isn’t a whole lot better.
And “outspoken” and “broken” do not rhyme with “rolling”. At all.
#1: Quad City DJs, The Train (C’mon ‘N’ Ride It)
Not one single element of this song works. The singing is bad. The concept is bad. The subject matter is bad. The music is bad. The music video is bad. Really, I’m having trouble finding anything about it that could possibly be recommended.
And bear in mind: this wasn’t some obscure thing that bobbed onto the charts for a week and barely made the Top 100. This only narrowly missed out on top 10. This did better than Tupac Shakur. Better than Alanis Morrisette. Better than No Doubt and Hootie and the Blowfish and John Mellencamp. Better than Eric Clapton and Jewel and Whitney Houston and Metallica. Out of people you have ever heard of, only Mariah Carey, Tracey Chapman and Celine Dion managed to do better than the Quad City DJs and this utterly godawful song.
Next time, hopefully with much less of a wait, we party like it’s 1999! If you count MST3K as a party game, anyway.
– OSM out