The most annoying thing about teetotallism


I don’t drink.

I don’t have any moral or philosophical objections to alcohol or anything. I don’t believe drinking is evil. I’m not a recovering alcoholic. I just don’t find it enjoyable. Wine, to me, tastes foul, and beer is absolutely repugnant. I can handle vodka, if it’s mixed with something I like, but then the question becomes: why bother? Why not just drink the thing I like and skip the firewater entirely? So I just generally don’t bother.

The most annoying thing mentioned in the title? Quite simple, really. Whenever I tell people the reason that I don’t drink, there is a virtually 100% probability that someone will ask “have you tried [drink]?”

Why do people do this? Is the idea that I might be perfectly happy not drinking totally foreign to these people? Is that the issue here?

But I reserve my mental Defcon 1 for the phrase “we need to find you a drink”. Well, we’ve verified that I don’t need to find me a drink, so what I assume this means when I hear it is, you need to find me a drink.

But, Mr. (and it usually is a male) Hypothetical Person, why do you need to find me a drink? How will making me drink improve your life in any way? Clearly it won’t, so we end up with a kind of pointless and stupid endeavour that boils down to “I drink so you should drink too”. Uh, no. Not gonna happen. I do not need help finding the drink for me. I’ve found it, it’s called lemon squash. Thankyou for playing.

The main barrier to my enjoyment as a teetotaller is not the absence of alcohol. It’s the presence of morons who don’t seem to realise that I refrain from drinking by choice.

– OSM out

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