A Few Useful Definitions


Bitterness: A state in which one is so fed up with all these other definitions that they make a self-indulgent blog post about it (cough, cough).

Constructive criticism: Criticism other people are directing at you. (see Insult)

Determination: The ability to persevere at something people want you to do. (see Stubbornness)

Honesty: 1. A thing people approve of in the abstract but always get offended by when it’s directed at them.

Humility: 1. A thing to be paradoxically smug about. 2. The state of continually underestimating yourself.

Insult: Criticism you are directing at other people. (see Constructive criticism)

Maturity: 1. A state in which hypocrisy no longer bothers you, especially your own. 2. A white flag waved at the faults of the world. 3. A list of traits the speaker thinks they possess that they want you to possess as well.

Objectivity: The state of having a fully functional nonsense detector. Strongly denigrated in places noted for a solid adherence to bizarre traditions, such as the planet Earth. (Seriously, what is the point of ties?)

Paranoia: A state of clear judgment.

Respect: 1. A thing you have to earn and can’t just demand. 2. A thing your boss hasn’t bothered earning and is right now demanding. 3. A thing conspicuously absent from any statement that begins “with all due respect”.

Responsibility: A rare kind of tree that magically becomes taller whenever someone wants you to do something.

Stubbornness: The ability to persevere at something other people don’t want you to do. (see Determination)

Tact: The most socially acceptable form of outright dishonesty.

– OSM out

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