As the philosopher Ly Tin Wheedle once said, “when many expect a mighty stallion they will find hooves on an ant.”
Yeah I should probably give up writing these things at 6am.
Anyway. Here’s a brief guide to How Not To Sound Wise. Some of these contain things I genuinely believe. The rest of them are just straightforward crap.
“Life is like a shoe. It never fits quite right and after a while it starts to smell funny.”
“An expectation is a ghost made of greed, a responsibility a ghost made of sloth, and a grudge a ghost made of wrath.”
“Be yourself, because you’re not very good at being other people. They probably wouldn’t like it much.”
“Think before you act, unless the cameras are on you and the awesome background music is swelling, in which case you should make it up as you go along.”
“You can tell a lot about a man by whichever bone-stupid set of bad assumptions he uses to tell a lot about other men.”
“An insult is like a serpent: he who shakes it by its tail will not enjoy the experience.”
“People who say you can’t think scientifically all the time are usually not good at thinking scientifically.”
“True smugness comes only from within.”
And of course:
“Don’t try to eat a stone. It’ll hurt.”